Sponge of Royalty
by Jonathan R
Summary: Spongebob is a descendant of a royal family(?). The four-chapter story is complete and everyone lives happily ever after (more or less).
1. The Thirteenth Baron

Sponge of Royalty 

(Based on an episode of the Disney cartoon, TaleSpin.)

Chapter 1: The Thirteenth Baron

One morning, in the underwater community of Bikini Bottom, Spongebob Squarepants opened the door of his pineapple home.  He took in a big gulp of air and exhaled loudly.

"Good morning, Bikini Bottom!" Spongebob announced in a sing-song voice.  Besides his usual outfit, Spongebob was wearing garden gloves and a big straw hat.  He carried a watering can in one hand and a big box in his other arm.

As Spongebob walked down his front walk, he caught sight of Squidward, his next-door neighbor, bringing in the mail from his mailbox.

"Good morning, Squidward!" shouted Spongebob as he walked over to the edge of Squidward's property.

"Humph," muttered Squidward, who wasn't in the mood to talk to Spongebob that morning.  In fact, he never was.  Nevertheless, he caught sight of the box under Spongebob's arm and asked what he was doing.

"I'm glad you asked, Squidward old pal," declared Spongebob.  He suddenly opened the box, reached inside, and brought out a rolled up sheet of grassy material.

"What are you gonna do with that?  Practice your putting?" asked Squidward with zero emotion.

"Nope.  Guess again," teased Spongebob.

"Spongebob, I don't have time to…" began Squidward, but Spongebob suddenly rolled out the sheet onto the ground and yelled, "TA-DA!"  The sheet was covered in a type of undersea grass, and on the grass sat ten black spheres.

"What in the world are those?" asked Squidward with some interest in his voice.

"I'm gonna grow my very own, one-of-a-kind sea urchin garden!" said Spongebob, who showed the front of the box to Squidward.  The box read, "One, one-of-a-kind sea urchin garden!  Limited edition set!  $50."

"Fifty dollars?" asked Squidward with surprise.

"Actually, it cost thirty dollars, but the salesclerk made me an offer."

"Why in the world would you pay fifty bucks for an artificial garden of sea urchins?" asked Squidward.

"Simple.  The store was going out of business," explained Spongebob.  "The salesclerk was awfully nice too."

(Flashback to yesterday)

Spongebob was walking down a street in Bikini Bottom, singing to himself.  He walked past a fish leaning against a store window.  The fish was wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora.  As soon as Spongebob passed him, the fish went, "Psst.  Hey buddy."

"Who, me?" asked Spongebob, turning around.  

 The fish opened up his coat and showed Spongebob a box.  "You wanna buy a sea urchin garden?  It's from this store here."  The fish pointed to the building he was leaning against.  "It's their going-out-of-business sale."

"Wow," said Spongebob as he grabbed the box.  He caught sight to the price.  "Thirty dollars?"

"Well, uh, yeah, that's the sticker price," admitted the fish.  "But I like you, kid, so I won't sell it to you for less than fifty."

"Deal," said Spongebob.  He paid the fish fifty dollars and walked home with the garden.

"Suckerfish," said the sleazy fish as he counted the money.  When he walked away from the building, he revealed a sign on the building that said, "Space for rent."

(Flashback to present)

"Look, Spongebob," said Squidward, "As much as I want to stand here and watch you grow that little garden of yours, let me give you a few reasons why I can't."

As Squidward brought out a long list from behind his back and began reading the reasons, a black limousine pulled up to Spongebob's house.  A voice from inside said "Philip!  Stop the car!"  The limo's brakes squealed as the vehicle came to a stop.  The back door opened and a short, fat pufferfish exited the car.  The driver, a middle-aged tarpon, came out of the car, walked around to the passenger door, and took out a veiled sculpture from the passenger seat.  He walked up to the pufferfish, who stood with his mouth open as he stared at Spongebob.

"Striking resemblance isn't there, sir?" whispered the tarpon in the pufferfish's ear.

"Yes, Philip," said the pufferfish with a smile.  "I do believe our search is over."  The two fish walked over to Spongebob, who was still listening to Squidward's list of reasons why he couldn't watch Spongebob's urchin garden grow.

"…and because I need to take my mail inside, and because I left the kitchen light on, and because I hate you, and…"  Squidward could have gone on and on, but he was interrupted.

"EGAD!" shouted the pufferfish.  He and Philip the tarpon approached the two neighbors.  "I've waited all my life for this moment!" 

"Gee," said Spongebob to Squidward.  "My urchin garden hasn't even grown yet, and already it's attracting visitors!"

"Let me get a closer look," said the pufferfish.  He leaned up against Spongebob's face.  He was so close, that Spongebob's eyes began sinking back into his head.  Then, the fish recoiled and announced, "It's the eyes!  It's always the eyes!"

The needle on Spongebob's "clueless meter" was off the scale at this point.  Just to make sure, Spongebob checked his wrist.  Next to his watch, his "clueless meter" was indeed going off the scale.

Squidward was clueless as well, although he didn't have a "clueless meter" to prove it.  "What's the matter with you?" he asked.  "Haven't you ever seen a sponge wearing a straw hat before?"

The pufferfish reached into his coat and brought out a business card.  He gave it to Squidward, who read it out loud.  "Professor Kelpton of 'Kelpton, Kelpton, and Krille'?"

As Squidward read the card, Prof. Kelpton began examining Spongbob.  He stretched out Spongebob's lips to observe his teeth, his gums, and even stuck his whole head in Spongebob's mouth to see if he was healthy.

When Spongebob heard what Squidward said, he began screaming, which caused Kelpton to stumble back with shock.  "AAAAAUGH!!!  It's an attorney!!!"

"Calm down!  Calm down," eased the pufferfish.  "I'm not here on business.  I'm simply looking for a certain 'gentleman'."

Spongbob and Squidward looked at each other for a moment and then looked back at the pufferfish.    

"Pfff.  Have you ever come to the wrong place," scoffed Squidward.

"I think not," said Kelpton smugly.  He looked at Squidward.  "You see, standing next to you, sir, is a descendant of royalty!"

"Really?  Where?" Squidward looked all around until he caught sight of Spongebob standing next to him.  "I don't see any 'royal heirs' anywhere."

"Behold!" shouted Kelpton.  He reached out a fin and grabbed the veil that still covered whatever Philip was carrying.  "The Thirteenth Baron of Bleuenlond!"

With that, Kelpton yanked the veil away to reveal Philip carrying a silver tray.  On the tray sat a bust of a figure that looked just like Spongebob…except it had holly leaves on the sides of its head to make it look Greek!

"H-H-him?" wheezed Squidward, who pointed a tentacle at Spongebob.

"Me?" squeaked Spongebob.  His eyes were big and reflective.

"You," said Kelpton, who pointed at Spongebob.  "You, sir, are now fahaaaaaabulously wealthy."

"Really?" asked Spongebob.  His eyes were tiny now.  "H-how fabulously?"

"Oh, I should say the cost of this entire town…" Kelpton spread out his fins towards the town of Bikini Bottom.  "…about a thousand times over."

"Yahoo!" shrieked Spongebob.  He then began doing a little "I'm-rich-I'm-rich-I'm-rich" dance on his front lawn.  Squidward's jaw was hanging to the ground as all this was going on.

"Ahem.  Your robe, sir," said Philip.  He had put the bust back in the car and was now holding up a dark red robe for Spongebob.  Spongebob's dancing screeched to a halt and he quickly began dropping off his hat, gloves, and outfit into Squidward's tentacles.

"Now…now wait just a minute," said Squidward, who dropped all of Spongebob's clothes.  Nobody heard him though.  Kelpton was talking to Spongebob as Philip headed towards the driver's door.

"If the robe is not in your suitable size…" explained Kelpton, leading Spongebob to the back door of the limo.  "…you're tailor can sew you a new one."

"Wait a second, where are you taking him?" called out Squidward.

"Home, sir," said Kelpton, he opened the door of the limo.

"Home?" asked Spongebob.

"To your castle, sir."

"CASTLE??!!" exclaimed Squidward with wide eyes.

"With 655 rooms, sir."  Kelpton led Spongebob into the seat and closed the door.  He then walked towards the passenger door, leaving a stunned Squidward all alone on the lawn.

"Wow," said Spongebob inside the limo.  "655 rooms and…GASP!"  Spongebob caught sight of four huge trays in front of him that were filled with bite-sized morsels of food.  "All the hors d'ouerves I can eat!"  Spongebob greedily began stuffing his face with food.  He cleaned the trays in a matter of seconds.  When he was done, Spongebob heard tapping on the window.  Spongebob pressed a button and the window slid down to reveal Squidward's grinning face.

"Y'know, Spongebob," said Squidward in a pleading tone.  "Don't you think it would be a good idea if, I dunno, you had someone over to keep you company in that castle of yours?"  Squidward arched his eyebrows several times.

"By golly, you're right!" declared Spongebob.  Quick as a flash, he got out of the car, ran inside his house, and ran back carrying his pet snail.  "I wouldn't want Gary to stay here and miss out on all the luxury."

"Meow," said Gary.

"But…" sputtered Squidward.  The door slammed in his face.  "But what about…what about Mr. Krabs?"

"Good idea, Squidward!" shouted Spongebob as the car lurched into gear.  "I'll stop off at the Krusty Krab to tell him.  Bye, Squidward!"  The car began moving.  "Come and visit me sometime!  Hey, Patrick!"  The car drove by Patrick's house.  Patrick Star was standing in front of his house watching the limo drive by.  "Guess what, Patrick!  I'm rich!  Whoo!" screamed Spongebob as the car picked up speed and headed towards the Krusty Krab.

"Hmmm," said Patrick to himself.  "That guy looked a lot like Spongebob."

"Spongebob!" yelled Squidward.  He crossed his tentacles in anger.  It wasn't fair.  Why did Spongebob have to be a descendant of royalty?  Then a realization hit him.

"Wait a minute.  Spongebob's not my next-door neighbor anymore!  Oh boy!  At least some good came out of this!"  He suddenly caught sight of the urchin pods that still sat in Spongebob's garden.  There was a crease on each pod that made it look like they were smiling.

"What are you all smiling at?" questioned Squidward to the pods, before he finally brought his mail inside.

He didn't see the creases simultaneously sink into a frown with a "mwop" sound.

At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs was in his office counting his money when he heard a car horn beep outside.

"Who could that be?  I hope it's not another health inspector."  Mr. Krabs walked to the door of the office and saw a long black car outside.

"Oh no!  It's a hearse!  My time has finally come!  I'm gonna…"

"Mr. Krabs!" shouted Spongebob.  He was waving his arms frantically out the car window.

"Spongebob?" asked Mr. Krabs.  He ran out the front door and up to the car.  "Spongebob!  What the heck are you doing in there?"

"Greetings, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob.  His voice suddenly had a British accent.  "It appears as thought I'm a descendant of a royal sponge family and I now have a vast quantity of wealth."

"Y-you mean you're rich?" asked Mr. Krabs.  He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Ah, yes.  Pip pip, cheerio, and all that," replied Spongebob.

"But…uh…um…what about your job?" asked Mr. Krabs meekly.

A phone suddenly rang in the car.  Spongebob picked up the phone and heard Philip's voice.  "Barons don't have jobs, sir.  You'll never have to work another day for as long as you live." 

"You heard the fish, Mr. Krabs.  My working days are over."

"But what about the Krusty Krab????" asked Mr. Krabs frantically.

"Here's a hundred dollars," said Spongebob, as he reached in his pocket and gave a hundred dollar bill to Mr. Krabs.  Actually, Mr. Krabs couldn't move upon seeing the bill, so it simply floated down to the ground.  "Use it to hire some other chimp."

"That's 'chump', sir," said Philip, who still on the phone.

The limo eventually drove off, leaving Mr. Krabs staring at the hundred dollar bill for the longest time.  Finally, he got down on all fours and began kissing the bill and shouting out terms of endearment towards it.  Two young fish walked by at that moment and saw Mr. Krabs' weird behavior.  Mr. Krabs froze when he saw the two fish staring at him oddly.

"What are you two looking at?" he asked angrily.  "Haven't you ever seen a hundred dollar bill before?"  He grabbed the bill and cradled it in his arms like a baby as he walked back to the restaurant. 


	2. The Curse

"The Curse"

The limo soon pulled up to a long driveway that led to a huge stone mansion.  It had spires on it, which made it look like a castle.  There were seaweed gardens and fountains all over the enormous front lawn.

"Castle von Bleuenlond," said Philip on the speakerphone.

"Wow," gasped Spongebob, who smushed his face up against the car window.  "My very own chapeau."

"That's 'chateau'," corrected Philip as he drove through the front gate.

(If you're wondering where Prof. Kelpton is, he had to be dropped off at his business before the car arrived at the mansion.)

It took Spongebob and Gary all day just to check out the rooms on the first floor.  Eventually, it was dinnertime, and Spongebob found himself at the end of a long fancy table in the mansion's dining room.  Gary, in the meantime, slept in Spongebob's bedroom.

"Mmm-mmh!" said Spongebob in his seat.  He rubbed his hands together.  "I'm so hungry, I could eat a whole seahorse!"

Philip stood next to Spongebob.  "If you like," he remarked.  "I could put it on the menu for tomorrow night."

Spongebob laughed that annoying laugh of his.  "Good one, Philip," he said as he hit Philip in the arm lightly.

"Please, sir.  This coat is very expensive."

"Sorry."

Philip sighed.  "I wonder what is keeping our chef.  Oh, Olga!" he shouted towards the kitchen doors.

Suddenly, Spongebob heard a clock chime the hour.  Spongebob looked at a nearby grandfather clock on the wall.  It was 8:00 at night now.  Spongebob didn't realize how late it was!  Spongebob then turned his attention turn towards the two kitchen doors.  There seemed to be a commotion of dishes clattering and silverware clattering. 

Finally, a fat, female hagfish appeared pushing a cart with a covered dish on it.  When she arrived at Spongebob's end of the table, she lifted the domed dish and placed it on the table in front of Spongebob.

"Tonight," said Olga in a foreign accent.  "We have prepared a von Bleuenlond family favorite!"  She lifted the cover off of the dish to reveal a brown sea slug with an apple in its mouth.

Spongebob leaned in and sniffed at it.  Suddenly, to Spongebob's surprise, the slug's eyes opened up and it roared at Spongebob!

"AAAAAUGH!!!" shrieked Spongebob as the slug began to attack him.

Fortunately, Spongebob was able to contain the beast under the dish cover by sitting on it.  The dish cover shook and rocked under Spongebob's square pants.

"I, uh, guess I'm not as hungry as I thought," said Spongebob shakily as Philip and Olga just stood there looking at him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Olga.  "Um, all the other Barons liked their meat…rare."

She grinned a hideous grin as thunder and lighting briefly accented her features.

"Well, don't you have anything else to eat?" asked Spongebob as he sat back in his seat.  "Like maybe a Kraby Pattie, medium well?"  The slug's eyes peeked out from under the dish cover, but Spongebob saw him, and he slammed the cover shut as he continued.  "How about some cookies?  Or cake?  Or, um, a blueberry pie with whipped cream?"

Philip and Olga eventually got the point.  "Ah, now I understand!" exclaimed Philip.  "You wish to have dessert!"  Olga quickly ran to the kitchen.

"Hey, now you're talking!  Oooh, being rich is great!" said Spongebob to himself.  "I can eat dessert whenever I want!"

Olga returned with a much smaller covered dish.  With one arm, she pushed the slug dish off the table with a crash and brought the dessert dish in front of Spongebob.  When Olga released the cover, Spongebob was more than a little surprised by what he saw.  It was a small chocolate sculpture of Spongebob!  It was standing on its feet and bore a remarkable resemblance to the sponge himself.

Slowly, Spongebob grabbed his fork and knife, but then Olga said, "Oh, but allow me, Baron," and she lifted a steak knife high in the air, just as another bolt of lightning illuminated the room.  As the thunder struck, Olga swung the knife at lightning speed and cut the chocolate head clean off its body!  The square head landed right in front of Spongebob, who slowly lifted it up to his face.  His eyes expanded as he gulped.

"I'm, uh, heh-heh, not sure if I want this either," he said shakily.

"Of course you don't, sir," said Philip.  He struck a match on the table.  "Desserts are commonly served flambéed.  Bon appetite."  Philip threw the match into the dish with the decapitated dessert on it.  The dish immediately erupted into flames!  Spongebob screamed as he fell back in his chair.  He caught sight of a fire extinguisher in the corner of the room and ran to it.  He used it to extinguish the fire.

"Terribly sorry, sir," said Philip, who rushed over to the now-shaking Spongebob with Olga at his side.  "I didn't know it would flame up like that.  Would you like us to fix you something else?"

"Nah," said Spongebob shakily.  He forced a smile on his face.  "I kinda lost my appetite."

Later, Spongebob relaxed in his very own Olympic-sized bathtub.  There were masses of bubbles all over the place.  Spongebob lounged in his paddle-boat while wearing a sea captain outfit and hat.

"Ahhh," said Spongebob.  "If only my friends could see me now."  He paused for a moment.  Then an idea hit him.  "Hey!  Why don't I call them?"  He reached for a telephone in his boat and dialed a number.

Mr. Krabs was sitting by his bed rocking a baby cradle with his hundred dollar bill in it.  Suddenly, his phone rang, so he picked it up.  "Hello?" he asked.

"Hi, Mr. Krabs!  It's Spongebob of Bleuenlond speaking!" he said.

"Oh, hello, Spongebob.  How's the rich life?" he asked curiously.

Spongebob yawned.  "Well, there's really not much to say.  It's fun, but it can get really boring at times, I suppose.  What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just about to read a bedtime story to Greenie," he answered.

"Who?"

"The hundred dollar bill you gave me, boy!  I've named it Greenie.  I even have her name etched onto a copper plaque and…"

"Well, that's great and all, Mr. Krabs, but I'm afraid I must be going now.  Say 'Hi' to Plankton for me!"  Spongebob abruptly hung up.  He thought for a moment and then dialed another number.

The phone next to Squidward's bed woke him up.  "Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Hello," said Spongebob in his English accent again.  "Squidward?  Baron von Bleuenlond here!"

"Whadya want Spongebob?" asked Squidward with an annoyed tone in his voice.

"I was just wondering if you would be able to come to my mansion tomorrow evening and have dinner with me on my fine porcelain dinner table.  Hmmm?"

"Forget it," snapped Squidward.

"We're having peasant under glass."

"That's 'pheasant'," corrected Squidward.

As Squidward began saying why he didn't want to go to Spongebob's mansion, a purple hump swam along the water's surface and began circling Spongebob's boat.  "Jaws"-like music was heard as the hump sank below the surface.  The hump was actually the top half of a giant clam, which now picked up speed and headed straight for the boat!

"…and I am sick and tired of working all alone at the Krusty Krab.  Do you know how much extra work I have to do?  It's killing me!" yelled Squidward.  "And furthermore…"

"AAAAAUGH!!!" screamed Spongebob on the other end of the phone.

"Spongebob, what's wrong now?" grumbled Squidward.

"Um, uh, the bath water got a little hot," said Spongebob quickly.  "Uh, see ya."   Spongebob hung up, and with good reason.  He was now in the mouth of the giant clam, pushing against the gigantic jaws that were closing in on him.

"Philip!  PHILIP!!!" shouted Spongebob, as he broke free from the clam and landed in his paddle-boat.  Instantly, Spongebob sat in the boat, put his feet on the pedals, and paddled with all his might.  He made a beeline for the exit, but the clam suddenly appeared in front of him, blocking his exit.

"Um, have a nice rubber ducky?" asked Spongebob, who squeaked a rubber ducky and tossed it at the clam.  He then began backpedaling as fast as he could.  The clam chased after him.  Spongebob made a U-turn backwards and headed back the way he came.  Then, to Spongebob's horror, the clam leaped out of the water and headed straight for Spongebob!

Luckily for Spongebob, the back of the boat rammed the side of the tub, which sent Spongebob flying out of it.  The clam landed on the boat, destroying it.

"Philip!" shouted Spongebob, who appeared at the door carrying Spongebob's new pajamas.  Spongebob ran over to him and grabbed onto his ankles.  "There was…a…a…giant claaaam!"  Spongebob pointed to his tub.

"Impossible, sir," said Philip as he changed Spongebob into his new wardrobe.  "No giant clams have ever been spotted in this part of the castle…well, not since the second baron."  Philip observed Spongebob's sailor outfit.  It was all torn and tattered.  "Tch tch tch tch tch."

"Whatcha mean, 'tch tch tch tch tch'???" asked Spongebob frantically.

"Um," said Philip.  "I supposed no one has ever told you about the…von Bleuenlond family curse?"  He grinned.  

One bolt of lightning and thunder later, Spongebob and Philip were walking down a dark hallway.  Philip carried the only light, a simple oil lamp.  Along the walls were portraits of all the twelve barons before Spongebob.

"You see, Spongebob, each of your ancestors passed on under very…peculiar circumstances.  Oh dear."

"Whatcha mean, 'Oh dear'?" asked Spongebob, who noticed that Philip was looking at one of the portraits.

"Oh, I was just remembering the fourth baron."

"What happened to him?" asked Spongebob.

"The electric eel soup didn't agree with him.  A very 'shocking' end if I do say so myself."

"And then there was the sixth baron," said Philip as he continued on.  "He was taking his evening stroll one night, but when he slipped on a pad of butter, he fell and…"

A crash of thunder interrupted him.  Spongebob shrieked and covered his head.  When he saw that nothing was attacking him, Spongebob straightened himself up and said, "Aww, that's all just flotsam and jetsam.  There's no such thing as curses.  Now where's the kitchen?  I'm hungry."

"This way, sir," answered Philip. 

Soon, Philip and Spongebob were walking down a dark stairway.

"What your step, sir," warned Philip.

Two seconds later, a huge "swinging blade" swung past Spongebob, barely missing him from behind.

"Aaaaah!  What was that?" asked Spongebob, who whirled around.

"What was what, sir?" asked Philip.

The blade swung past Spongebob again, this time in the opposite direction.

"Aaaaah!  I was almost sliced!"  He hugged himself as he stood on one foot.

"Strange you should mention that, sir," said Philip.  "The fifth baron actually became deceased on that very step."

Spongebob gasped and grabbed onto Philip's shoulders.  Spongebob made sure to step on the same steps that Philip stepped on as they continued their way downward.

Finally, they arrived at a door.  Philip opened it.  "The kitchen," he announced.

Spongebob peeked inside and was greeted with a big, fancy kitchen.  On a counter, stood a big plate stacked high with kelp cupcakes.

"Mmmm!  Cupcakes!" said Spongebob.  He ran over to the plate and started gobbling them up.

"Oh my," said Philip.

Spongebob, his cheeks filled with cupcakes, looked at Philip.  "Whadya mean, "Oh my'?" asked Spongebob with his mouth full.

"The ninth baron popped off," said Philip.  "By choking on a cupcake."

"Mmmrmph!" gurgled Spongebob.  A hand flew to his mouth as he ran to the sink and spat out the cupcakes.  Spongebob coughed for a minute before saying, "I'm not much of a fan of devil's food anyway."

"Shall you be requesting anything else, sir?" asked Philip.

"No thanks, my good man," said Spongebob, as he opened up the fridge.  "I'll just be taking a quick trip through the ice box."

"Have a safe…journey, sir," said Philip, as he slowly closed the door behind him.

"Mmmmm," said Spongebob as he brought out a ham on a plate.  "Now this is what I call…"

SLAM!  A guillotine blade fell down the doorway of the fridge.  

"…A KILLER SNACK!" shouted Spongebob.  He ran along the floor, but a trap door opened up in front of him!  He walked back slowly, just barely missing a flying skewer!  He turned and ran, but the stove door opened up mysteriously and flames shot out of it!  Spongebob leaped up into a bunch of hanging pots on the ceiling.  Toast shot out of a toaster.  Silverware flew out of a drawer.  Soon, the entire room was filled with flying objects!  Spongebob tried his best to dodge everything, but things sort of stuck into his porous body anyway.

Suddenly, Spongebob caught sight of three large meat cleavers heading right at him!  He screamed and bolted out the door, leaving the ham hovering in midair.  The cleavers stabbed into the ham and pinned it against the wall.

Spongebob ran up the stairs.  He could've sworn he saw several spears fly past him as he ran.  He didn't stop until he arrived at his room.  He began throwing everything up against the door, except for Gary and the bed.

"Meow?" asked Gary, who was now awake.

"NOT NOW, GARY!  MY LIFE IS IN DANGER!!!" screamed Spongebob.  He quickly dove under the bed, bringing the phone with him.  Spongebob began dialing as he kept gasping for air.

Squidward woke up.  It was his phone again.  He groaned.  Why couldn't Spongebob wait until morning?  Reluctantly, he picked up the phone.  "Hello?"

"Squidward?" asked Spongebob.  His voice was a parched, weak whisper.

"Who is this?" asked Squidward.

"It's me.  Spongebob."

"Oh, you mean the faaaaabulous Baron of Bluefish-land or wherever it is you're from?"

"Yeahyeahyeah, listen, Squidward, you have to help me."

"Help you?!!" blurted Squidward.  "You leave me to work at the Krusty Krab by myself and you expect me to help you???"

"Listen, Squidward, I'm sorry about all that.  Really, I am, but I'm in big trouble right now.  I'm…gulp…CURSED!"  (Thunder and lightning.)

Squidward yawned.  "Tell me something I don't know."

"No, Squidward, really!  I was in the tub, see, and…"  Squidward heard some scuffling sounds in the background.  "And…Squidward…it's…it's…oh no, it's the curse!!!! AAAAAAUGH!!! It's trying to get me!!! Look, Squidward, you have to come and get me out of here, please!  Bring somebody with you.  Bring Mr. Krabs, bring Patrick, bring anybody!  You have to help me!  Oh no…no!  Help!!!!"

Then Spongebob hung up.

"H-Hello?" asked Squidward.  He began tapping on the phone.  "Spongebob, were you just there?  Hello?"

Thunder and lighting struck outside the house as Spongebob watched his door in horror.  Something was trying to force its way in!  Two metal claws could already be seen prying the door open!

Spongebob sprang up onto his bed and tore off one of the bedposts as a weapon.  Unfortunately, the bedposts supported the overhead canopy, which collapsed onto Spongebob.  Gary, who had been under the bed, came out and saw Spongebob screaming, "HELP!!!" under the sheet.  Gary began shaking when the door finally opened and revealed……

Philip and Olga.  Philip was carrying a candle while Olga carried a crowbar.  Both were in their pajamas.

"You screamed, sir?" asked Philip.

Spongebob struggled to get out from under the sheet.  "Oof.  Urg.  What does it take to…umph…get a little service around here."  Eventually, his face poked out of the sheet.  "Where were you??!!" shouted Spongebob as he fell off the bed with a 'THUD'.

"In the kitchen..." began Olga, but when she saw the crowbar in her hands, she tossed it aside and began again.  "Downstairs, um, setting traps.  We have a problem with…"  Philip abruptly nudged Olga in the shoulder.  "Uh, rats."

"Is there anything we'd like to do for you?" asked Philip.

"Yeah," said Spongebob.  He wore the bed sheet around his head like a hood.  "Make up the guest rooms and break out the extra table settings.  We're having company."  Spongebob turned to Gary and whispered, "I hope."  


	3. The Greedy Servants

"The Greedy Servants"

"Wow," said Mr. Krabs.

He, Squidward, and Patrick were standing at the front steps, looking up at Spongebob's mansion, which towered over them.

"Yeah, double-wow," said Squidward.

As the three visitors advanced up the steps, Patrick asked, "If Spongebob's so rich, how come he needs us?"

"I dunno," answered Squidward.  "But if this is another one of his stupid pranks, he's gonna need a hospital."

The three of them reached the front door.  Mr. Krabs grabbed the large doorknocker and knocked it against the door.

Philip the tarpon answered it.  "Ahhh, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs.  We've been expecting you."

"Hey, look!  A penguin!" said Patrick, who pointed at Philip's butler uniform.

As Philip ushered the guests into the room, Spongebob slammed the front door and quickly locked a long series of locks on it.

"Oh, thank Neptune you guys are here!" gasped Spongebob to his buddies.  "Listen, I've learned that a curse has just killed off the last twelve barons and…gulp…I'm number thirteen!"

"First of all, give me one good reason why we should help you," said Squidward, who folded his tentacles across his chest.

"Yeah," added Mr. Krabs.

"Because," said Spongebob.  "Because you're all my friends?"  A big grin spread across his face.

"Gimme a better reason," retorted Squidward.

"Because, if you go, kchkkkk!"  Spongebob slid his finger across his throat.  "I go!"

Squidward sighed.  "Okay.  Ooookay!  We'll protect Spongebob from the big bad boogey monsters."  He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah," said Patrick.  "With us around, you'll be just fine."  Patrick then turned to Philip.  "Hi.  Where's the bathroom?" he whispered.

"Top of the stairs.  Second right off to the third left."

"Thanks.  And I mean it, buddy."  Squidward then turned and headed up the stairs.

Soon, Mr. Krabs and Squidward were sitting on one end of the dining room table, while Spongebob was at the other end, inspecting the area around his chair for traps.

"So, what's on the menu for tonight?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"The final catch of the day, if I don't watch out," answered Spongebob, who looked under his chair.  "This place is swarming with booby traps."

"'Booby' is right," said Squidward to Mr. Krabs.

Spongebob slowly sat down in his seat and breathed a sigh of relief.  Suddenly, he heard a sound above him.  Spongebob looked up and was shocked to see a huge chandelier dangling above his head!

"Uh, hey, Squidward?  Mr. Krabs?  How about we switch places?"  Spongebob asked as he got out of his seat.

Mr. Krabs and Squidward sighed.  "Okay," they said.

As Spongebob walked towards the other end of the table, he looked up and discovered that the chandelier was following him along the ceiling!

"AAAAAUGH!!!" he screamed again.  When he got to a chair, Spongebob saw a bucket of ice with a champagne bottle in it.  Quickly, Spongebob tossed out the ice and bottle and put the bucket over his head, fearing the chandelier would crash down on him at any moment.

"Dinnertime," said Olga, who brought in a big covered dish on a cart.

Spongebob grabbed a fire extinguisher.  "If it's a cake, call the fire department!"

"Tonight, we will be serving a von Bleuenlond family favorite," said Olga eagerly.

"Really?  What?" asked Squidward.

Olga lifted the cover to reveal, "Kelp cupcakes!"

"AAAAUGH!!! DON'T LET 'EM GET ME!!!" shouted Spongebob, who leaped out of his seat and ran from the room screaming.

Meanwhile, at the top of the stairs, Patrick observed seven hallways in front of him, each going in a different direction.  "Let's see," said Patrick to himself.  "Three left and two right…or was it two left and three right?"

That night, Spongebob locked up a long series of locks on his bedroom door.  Gary meowed.

"Yes, Gary, I need this extra security," Spongebob said as his closed a final giant combination lock.  "Let's see a curse get through that."  

He then stepped up to his bed and pulled away the sheets.  At that moment, a candelabrum on the wall behind Spongebob leaned over until the candles were aimed right at Spongebob.  Suddenly, jets of flame roared from the candelabrum!

"YYYEEEEOOOWWW!!" shouted Spongebob who flew over his bed and into the wall.  The moment Spongebob made contact with the wall, the wall swung 180 degrees!  Spongebob was now stumbling backwards in a dark, stone hallway.  Spongebob's back made contact with something standing against the opposite wall.  Spongebob looked up and saw a knight's suit of armor carrying a huge metal ax!  With a start, Spongebob realized the armor was tipping over.  Spongebob raced back against the previous wall and flattened his back against it.  The wall swung around and Spongebob was back in his bedroom.  A giant crash on the other side of the wall told him that the armor had fallen over.

Spongebob had frozen up for a moment, but then he began screaming and running in circles around Gary.  Then, Spongebob crashed through his door (leaving a Spongebob-shaped hole) and opened up Squidward's door, which was right across the hall.

Squidward had the unfortunate luck of sleeping in the honeymoon suite, so Spongebob ran into a room filled with pink fabrics and cherub sculptures.

"Now what?" asked Squidward, when he was woken up by Spongebob's screaming.

"Squidward?" asked Spongebob at the side of Squidward's bed.  "Can I sleep in your room?"

"No, you may not sleep in my room, Spongebob."

"B-But it's spook central in my room!  Please!"

Squidward sighed and got out of bed.  "Anything for a little sleep," he groaned.

"Oh, thanks Squidward.  You're a pal."

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the castle, Patrick was still looking for the bathroom.  "Three left and three right," he said, as he turned a corner.  "Is this my right or the hallway's?"

When Squidward was gone, Spongebob observed his surroundings.  He looked at all the Cupid statues and their little bows and arrows.  At least there weren't any monsters or things like that.  With that Spongebob sat down in the bed.

Just then, a 'whip' sound was heard and something whooshed by the top of Spongebob's head.  Spongebob looked at his pillow and gasped.  His nightcap was pinned to the pillow with an arrow!  As he watched, two more arrows landed in the pillow.

Spongebob turned and saw a line of Cupid statues appear, their arrows pulled back in their bows.  More statues appeared on the other side of the room.  It wasn't long before the room was filled with flying arrows and Spongebob was dancing all over the place trying to dodge them.  All the while, Spongebob was whooping and hollering and screaming "HELP!!" at the top of his lungs.

Across the hall, Squidward heard Spongebob scream and got out of bed.  "If that curse doesn't kill him, I will," he grumbled.

Squidward met Mr. Krabs in the hall.

"What in the name of Davey Jones's locker is all that screaming?" asked Mr. Krabs in his pajamas.

"It must be the 'curse'," muttered Squidward who opened up Spongebob's room.  "Spongebob would you please…"  Squidward and Mr. Krabs gasped at what they saw.

Spongebob was up against the wall in an odd position with arrows that had just missed him and were embedded in the wall.  "Help," squeaked Spongebob.

Then, everyone heard a rumbling sound.  Everyone turned and was shocked to see a grand piano racing towards Spongebob!  A Cupid statue on the piano had an arrow aimed right at the middle of Spongebob's body.

"HEEEEELP…whoa!" yelled Spongebob, who was immediately whisked away by a tentacle and a crab claw.

CRASH went the piano as Spongebob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward collapsed into the hall.

"Good gravy, that was close!" said Mr. Krabs, catching his breath.

"Spongebob, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you before.  You really are cursed!" exclaimed Squidward.

Spongebob hugged Gary who had wandered into the hall.  "Mr. Krabs?" said Spongebob, "If I ever get out of here, I'm gonna have to work overtime for this."

"Well the sooner we get out of here, the better.  C'mon!" said Squidward, pulling on Spongebob's arm.

"Wait a minute!" said Spongebob.  "Where's Patrick?"

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the castle, Patrick was still looking for the bathroom.  "So you take the three rights times two and subtract two lefts…and then you divide by the common denominator and put the decimal in…uh…in the middle…times the first two lefts…"

"Patrick?" whispered Mr. Krabs.  He and Squidward were traveling down a darkly lit hallway.

"Patrick, get out here you big lummox," whispered Squidward loudly.

A few stories above them, Spongebob had put on a sponge-sized suit of armor.  "Patrick?" he whispered down a hallway.

"Hey," said Squidward to Mr. Krabs.  "Do you hear something?"

"Yeah," said Mr. Krabs.  "It's coming from the other side of this wall."  He and Squidward immediately put their heads against the wall.

On the other side of the wall, Philip and Olga were talking to each other in the kitchen.

"That sponge is certainly a 'finful' isn't he?" asked Olga.

"I know," replied Philip.  "Father didn't have this much trouble with the twelfth baron, I can assure you."

"Well, you won't have to worry much longer," said Olga.  "As soon as we knock off the last of the barons, there will be no one left to inherit this place.  The castle will be ours at last!"  Olga let out a witch-like cackle.

"I don't believe it," whispered Squidward.  "They've been behind this curse all along!"

"Or at least Spongebob's curse," added Mr. Krabs.  "I say we….AAAAUGH!!!"

"What?" asked Squidward.  He turned and saw to his horror, a large slug on the ground!  It was, in fact, the slug that Spongebob almost had for dinner last night!  Mr. Krabs was so startled by the slug that he climbed up on Squidward's head, and both of them began yelling and hollering.

If Squidward and Mr. Krabs could hear Philip and Olga through the wall, that meant the opposite was true as well.  Philip and Olga smiled evilly at each other for a moment.  Then, Philip reached up and pulled on one of the hanging pots above his head.  The wall immediately spun 360 degrees, which caused Squidward and Mr. Krabs to slide into the kitchen on their tummies.

"Hello there," said Philip.  He quickly reached up and pulled on a different pot.  A trap door suddenly opened up under Squidward and Mr. Krabs.  Both of them fell a considerable distance before they landed on a spit.  On the spit was a rope, which Mr. Krabs and Squidward grabbed onto.  They fell towards an open fire pit before the rope yanked them back up like a yo-yo.  The two got wrapped up on the spit by the rope and hung there for dear life.

"I guess we can add calamari and crab legs on our menu!" shouted Olga before she cackled evilly again.  Mr. Krabs and Squidward began crying out for help as the fire continued flaming below them.  

Final chapter up next!


	4. Back to Normal

"Back to Normal"

A few stories above the kitchen, Spongebob continued to wander down the long, dark hallway.  Step by step, he tip-toed down the hall as his eyes strained to see what was up ahead.  A torch on the wall in front of him revealed that he was at a dead end.

"Aw, tarter sauce," whined Spongebob.  "Where could Patrick be?  And how can I find him if I'm lost?"

Elsewhere in the castle, Patrick was still wandering the halls.  "So…you walk down two doors on the right which is really left.  But then, if that's left then that would be right, or would that be left?  No, right!  Oh, okay, okay…"

Spongebob was just about to turn around and head back, when he heard some voices shouting.  They were very faint and sounded more like wailing than anything else.

Spongebob gulped.  "G-ghosts?" he whimpered.  He glanced over his shoulder, but no one was there.

Suddenly, he saw an alcove on the side of the wall.  Spongebob walked up to it and discovered that it was an old dumbwaiter.  The voices were coming from down below.  Spongebob could now identify the voices.

"Squidward?  Mr. Krabs?" Spongebob shouted down the dumbwaiter.

The shouting continued.  "What can I do?" asked Spongebob to himself.  "They could be in trouble!"  Spongebob paced back and forth until he said, "By golly, if I was Mermaid-man, I'd go and save them!  Well, I'm not Mermaid-man, but I've got to save them anyway!"

So, Spongebob climbed into the dumbwaiter.  The good news was that he was just able to fit inside it.  The bad news was that the ancient rope holding the dumbwaiter broke from the sudden weight, causing Spongebob to fall down the shaft, like a broken elevator.

"AAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!"

The dumbwaiter soon crashed into the bottom of the shaft and Spongebob fell out onto the floor.  Dust had been kicked up and Spongebob coughed.  He shook himself off for a moment and discovered that he was in the kitchen!  There stood Philip the tarpon and Olga the hagfish, staring at him with shocked expressions, and behind them was a square pit with smoke coming out of it.  Squidward and Mr. Krabs' shouts were coming from the pit!

Spongebob gasped.  "You can't do that to my friends!" he shouted.

"Quick, get him!" yelled Olga.  Philip quickly grabbed a meat cleaver and raced towards Spongebob.  Spongebob ran to a drawer and quickly drew out a butter knife.  The two knives clanked against each other for a few times before Spongebob's knife flew out of his hand.

"Wait!  Uh, can't we talk this over?" he yelped as he started backing up against a window.  Philip and Olga, both with cleavers, started advancing towards Spongebob with evil expressions.

"Well, of course," said Olga.  "After we finish serving up your friends, we're thinking of serving up some piping hot SPONGECAKE!!!  A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!"  

Spongebob shrieked loudly as Philip and Olga raised their knives.

Just then, an explosion of glass erupted above Spongebob's head.  Something had just crashed through the window behind him!  A white figure kicked its feet into Philip and Olga's stomachs.  The two villains stumbled backwards across the room and crashed into an open cabinet.  The figure, who had swung from a cable into the room, landed flat on its back, but was quickly on its feet.  As the figure ran over to close the cabinet and trap the bad guys, Spongebob saw a very familiar furry tail on the rescuer.

"Sandy!  It's you!" said Spongebob.

"Hey, Spongebob!" said Sandy Cheeks as she locked the cabinet shut.

"Sandy, what are you doing here?" asked Spongebob.

Before she could answer, Squidward and Mr. Krabs' voices could be heard from inside the pit.  "Spongebob!!  Get us out of here!"

"I'll explain in a minute," said Sandy in her white outfit and glass helmet.  "Right now, we've gotta help our friends."

Spongebob grabbed a rope from nearby and lowered Sandy into the pit to save Squidward and Mr. Krabs.

Half an hour later, the four sea critters were back in the kitchen.  Mr. Krabs looked a little redder than usual, and both he and Squidward had ash marks on their clothes and faces.  Nevertheless, they thanked Spongebob and Sandy for saving their lives.

"No thanks needed, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob.

"Oh, but I insist," said Mr. Krabs.  "After all," he reached into his pocket and took out the hundred dollar bill.  "Greenie owes you her life."

"Oh.  Thank you, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob.  Then, Spongebob turned to Sandy.  "How did you know I was here?"

Sandy quickly explained how she had arrived at the house.  "I went into town, and I heard everybody talking about how Spongebob became a millionaire.  I learned about you being a descendant of the Bleuenlond family, but then, several hours ago, I saw a news report that proved that this has all been a mistake!"

"What do you mean?" asked Spongebob.

"You aren't the real thirteenth baron of Bleuenlond, Spongebob.  The news report showed the REAL baron being interviewed.  He was saying that he was going to be arriving at this house in a couple of hours."

"So, I'm not really a zillionaire?" asked Spongebob.

"No, Spongebob," replied Sandy, who put her paw on his shoulder.  "As I said, this has all been a terrible mistake."

Before Spongebob acted too disappointed, Sandy continued.  "So, anyway, I ran over here faster than a sidewinder on a sand dune.  I leaped over the fence and found out the front door was locked, so I tried a window.  I saw those two critters coming at you with knives, Spongebob, so I lassoed a beam sticking out of the building and swung my way through the window.  That's how I got inside."

"Wow," said Spongebob.

Mr. Krabs dusted himself off.  "Well, I think I'm gonna have a little talk with those two butlers."

"Yeah, let's bust those goons," said Squidward.

The four of them opened the cabinet doors and gasped.  The cabinet had a back door that opened up into a hallway on the other side!

"They escaped!" shouted Spongebob.

"But you won't!" yelled a voice from behind.

Everyone spun around and saw Philip and Olga running towards them with rolling pins and shouting "Charge!"

Spongebob, Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs quickly fled the room, screaming.  They ran through the cabinet, down the hallway, and ended up in the large room at the front of the house…with Philip and Olga right behind them.  The four friends saw the front doors and burst through them.  They ran down the driveway as Philip suddenly grabbed Olga and said, "Turn on the gate!"

Olga nodded and ran over to an electrical switch.  Using both hands, she flipped it down to the 'on' position.

At that point, Spongebob was the first one to reach the front gate, which was closed.  When Spongebob tried to open it, a ZAP sound was heard, and Spongebob was electrocuted (bones visible, etc.)

He stumbled backwards into his friends.  He was black all over and smoking too.

"We're trapped!" shouted Squidward.

"What now?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"Quick!  Into the bushes!" shouted Sandy, and everyone dove into the bushes.  If you recall, the front yard is made up of acres of bush mazes and shrubs.  So, as Philip and Olga went to search for their victims, everyone else stayed in their hiding place.

"Maybe," said Spongebob, "Maybe if we stay here, real quiet, they'll go away.  Maybe they'll go back inside.  Maybe…"

"MEOW," said a voice from behind.

Everybody screamed and whirled around, but it was only Gary.

"Gary!" said Spongebob as he scooped him up in his arms.  "How did you get out here?"

"Meow," replied Gary.

"C'mon," said Sandy.  "I think they heard us.  We need to keep going."  So everyone ran deeper into the maze of bushes until they stopped and rested.

"I don't understand," muttered Spongebob.  "Why are they doing this to us?"

"Squidward and I heard them," said Mr. Krabs.

"Yeah," replied Squidward quickly.  "Those two fish want to get rid of you so that they can have total possession of the castle!  Their relatives have also killed all of your relatives too, Spongebob!...I mean, not YOUR relatives, but the Gluey-lond family relatives."

"In other words," interrupted Mr. Krabs.  "They only want the castle, and they'll get rid of anyone else who owns it."

"But they can HAVE the castle," remarked Spongebob.  "I just want to get out of here alive!"

Everyone thought for a moment.  Then Sandy said, "I've got an idea!"

"Yes?" Spongebob's eyes got all shiny again.

"The only way to get you out of here alive is…"

"YES???"

"…to kill you!"

Spongebob's face fell…literally.  "Bad plan," he grumbled.

"No, really, wait until you hear it," reassured Sandy.  "Trust me on this one."

"Yeah," said Squidward with a smile.  "I've been waiting for this for a loooong time."

A while later, Philip and Olga were looking for everyone at the far side of the yard, when suddenly, a shattering of glass could be heard, along with Spongebob's voice who screamed, "OH NO!!!  I'M A GONER!!!"

"That sounded like it was coming from the house!" announced Olga.  She and Philip quickly made a dash for the front of the house.  When they got there they were shocked by what they saw.

In front of the front steps lay Spongebob.  He was lying face down in the dirt with shards of glass lying all around him.  He wasn't moving.

"Oh my goodness!" shouted Philip.  He looked up at the house's façade.  He could see a broken window many stories above him.

"He fell out the window!" exclaimed Olga.

Unknown to Philip or Olga, a large club was lying just inside the window.  That was what had smashed the window.

"Well, doesn't that just beat all," muttered Philip.

"I know," said Olga.  "I mean, the least we could have done was push him."

Philip caught some movement out of the corner of his eye.  He grabbed Olga's shoulder and pointed.

Coming towards the two fish were three creatures…a crab, a squid, and a squirrel.  The crab was wearing a glasses and a thick moustache.  The squid was wearing fake sideburns and a beard.  The squirrel was wearing a big, thick scarf.  All three of them wore black top hats and tuxedos.  The squirrel was also carrying a wheelbarrow.  (Of course, it's Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in really bad disguises, but they are apparently fooling Philip and Olga.)

"Hey, who are you?" asked Philip.

Mr. Krabs spoke up in a fake accent.  "We're 'Crobs, Squidley, and Cheeks'.  We're county undertakers."  

As the three "undertakers" inspected Spongebob, Philip pulled Olga aside.  "Undertakers?  You called undertakers?"

"I thought you called them," answered Olga.

"Oh, who cares?" argued Philip.  "We needed them anyway."

They turned back to see the inspection continue.

"Is he..?" asked Olga.

"I'm afraid so," said Squidward in a deep voice.  "Does he have any relatives?"

"Oh, uh, no, no," said Olga.  She and Philip shook their heads with smiles on their faces.  "He's all yours."

Everyone grabbed a hold of Spongebob as they carried him to the wheelbarrow.

"It's such a shame that the last of his kind has finally kicked the bucket," said Philip.

"Must've been all that fun cooking," said Sandy.

Finally, they lowered Spongebob into the wheelbarrow.  Mr. Krabs took out a black napkin from his tux and placed it over Spongebob's face.  As they carted Spongebob away, Philip and Olga started dancing around and celebrating, now that the castle was theirs.

Spongebob stopped playing possum when they starting coming to the front gate.  He sighed.  "Well, I guess my fifteen minutes of fame are over.  I guess I'll have to go back to being me again."

"I sincerely hope so," said a voice in front of them.

The wheelbarrow stopped as the group stared at a large pufferfish standing before them.  It was Professor Kelpton!  Behind him, stood several police cars.  Officers began exiting their vehicles and heading onto the property.

"Hey, glad you could make it!" said Spongebob.

"Well, I was lucky to get here in time," said Kelpton.  "When I saw the news report that the real baron was to be arriving here shortly, I knew I had committed a grave error.  I give you, fellow sponge, my sincerest apologies."

"Well, apologies accepted," said Spongebob, who got up out of the wheelbarrow and gave the pufferfish a pat on the back.

"AAAAAA!!" shouted Spongebob, who forgot that pufferfish have spines.

"Sorry, sir," said Kelpton.

"Uh, officers!" shouted Squidward.  "Do you suppose you could arrest those two?" he asked as he pointed to Philip and Olga, who were still dancing.

"For what charge?" asked Kelpton.

"Attempted murder," answered Sandy.

"And bad cooking," added Spongebob.

As the villains were handcuffed and taken away, another car arrived.  A very expensive car.  A crowd of camerafish and reporters rushed up to the car as the real thirteen baron of Bleuenlond exited the vehicle.  Spongebob was shocked to see how much he looked like him!  The Baron was a slightly darker shade of yellow and he had a goatee.  He also wore a royal cape and matching outfit.  He entered his new house without even glancing at Spongebob and his friends.

"Well, I can see why they would've gotten you confused, Spongebob," said Sandy.

"Yeah," Spongebob yawned.  "What with all this running around and all, I'm exhausted."  Spongebob reached down and grabbed Gary.  "C'mon, everyone.  Let's go home."

"Um, not so fast," said Kelpton.  "We've gotten a report from inside that there are some damages in several rooms."

"Damages?" asked Spongebob.

"Yes.  The honeymoon suite has arrows stuck everywhere, the hallways have been trampled, and the kitchen is a total wreck!"  At that moment, a police officer whispered in his ear.  "But I've just been told that the Baron will take care of those expenses."

Sighs of relief were emitted from Spongebob and his friends.  As they turned to leave, Kelpton stopped them again.  "Egad!  What have you done to that bush?"

Apparently, the wheelbarrow had been standing behind the bush until it had been used for Sandy's plan.  When it was retrieved, Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs had accidentally broken the bush's trunk and now the bush was lying uprooted on the ground.

"There's a hefty fine for destroying organic private property," said Kelpton.

Spongebob gulped.  "H-How much?"

"Oh, about this much."  Quick as a flash, Kelpton grabbed the hundred dollar bill out of Mr. Krabs' claw.

"Hey!  No!" he exclaimed.

"There.  NOW you all can go home."

So, Spongebob and his friends got a ride home in a cop car, as Mr. Krabs left weeping for his lost money.

The next day, Spongebob came out of his house and saw that his sea urchin garden was sprouting.  Squidward, slightly annoyed that Spongebob still was his next-door neighbor, walked over and saw the spiky garden actually growing.

"Isn't it great, Squidward?  They're growing!" said Spongebob.  A ray of light beamed down on him.  "You see, no amount of money could possibly replace the fact that I, Spongebob Squarepants, have created life from utter nothingness."

"The garden came with a money-back guarantee," uttered Squidward.  "If it didn't grow, you'd get your money back."

"Yeah, kinda ironic, ain't it?" said Spongebob.

Suddenly, a loud 'HONK!!!' sound caused Squidward to jump into the air.  It was Sandy, who had come over to show Spongebob an old, antique car horn.  Squidward had the misfortune of landing in Spongebob's sea urchin garden, and he began hopping from foot to foot and going "ooch, ouch, aaugh!"

"Hey," giggled Sandy to Squidward.  "What kind of a dance is that?"  She laughed as Squidward hobbled back to his house to soak his injured feet. 

"Hey, Sandy.  Cool horn," said Spongebob.

"Yeah, I kind of wanted to give you something that reminded you of your rich misfortune, but this was all I could come up with."  Sandy gave the horn to Spongebob.

"I like it!  Thanks a bunch, Sandy."  Spongebob was just about to walk back to his house, when he suddenly stopped and thought about something.

"What's wrong?" asked Sandy.

"I dunno," said Spongebob.  "But I've got the funniest feeling that we've forgotten something."

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Patrick's voice could still be heard in the halls.

"Lean to the left.  Lean to the right.  Sit down, stand up, head to the right.  No, wait, no wait, I got it this time…"

(Cue end credits)


End file.
